I know what triggering means

Implying the unseen

Creating a chemical reaction in me

Devouring my sensibilities

Forcing my hand psychologically

Yet I do not have to manifest a negative reaction

Ideally

Having no self awareness of my current state

I find myself lingering

I cannot think too much because it hurts too much

So I find myself in a dissociative haze

There is no clean slate when I come to

There is no way to undo

The difficulty in finding logic here somehow

When emotion was all I knew

No way to transcend

..in these turbulent feelings

That have me reeling

It’s electric

Lightning in the dark skies

Mysterious

My demise

The sweet forbidden fruit

The root of all sin

Burning from within like a flame from the fiery depths

Do I have the will to turn my back?

Not react?

I am not sanctified

Yet would that make me a heathen?

Living in this earthly space?

You gave me tender loving care

In a weakened state I let my sore heart bleed out to you

You did not push me away

You pulled me near

Like an angel you absorbed the pain

I could not contain

You were the rock

I was paper thin

Psychologically damaged

Tortured within

But with you…

I could breathe again

It hurts to put on this statuesque display

To conceal my heart beating out of my chest

My blood pressure rising

I pretend that it’s no sweat

I want to jump into your arms

Yet you are not there to catch me anymore

Such a chore to give this stoney face to the one I used to adore

We used to whisper sweet nothings

Now there’s nothing left

No one to console

As I timidly approach

..looking deep into your eyes

I now see how far we have grown