Slipping back into the deep end

Oh so slowly

Like tears dripping off my cheek unto the pillow

Trickling down

To various resting places

The comfortable places

Where contentment is like a high I chase

Did I ever have it anyway?

I could not say

For the meaning keeps changing every day

So I just give up

I let complacency take over me

No desire to try anymore

The dread to fall into that space of pain

Abysmal dire depths where I find solace again and again

Like a masochist compelled to hurt oneself

I restrain myself

But it hurts like hell