My why is unanswered

I am beyond

The confirmation is not needed

I am reborn

New age beatnik

Just exploring the world as I see fit

Tossing and upturning the stones like a misfit

No battle of the wits

Simple introspection

Do I detect something that I detest?

A devious spirit that I must digest

Unless…

The consequences will surely be dire

Slipping back into the deep end

Oh so slowly

Like tears dripping off my cheek unto the pillow

Trickling down

To various resting places

The comfortable places

Where contentment is like a high I chase

Did I ever have it anyway?

I could not say

For the meaning keeps changing every day

So I just give up

I let complacency take over me

No desire to try anymore

The dread to fall into that space of pain

Abysmal dire depths where I find solace again and again

Like a masochist compelled to hurt oneself

I restrain myself

But it hurts like hell

I can hear the roar of the city

Blazing static

An undertone

The heartbeat throbbing

In despair

The moans of discontent rising on the wind

Here I can sense

An encompassing presence

An entity that’s spiritual if nothing else

There is nothing that could take away the pain

I am drained and exhausted

It is tiresome

I feel as if I have lost the one ..for eternity

That it’s hurting me is an understatement

It could not be contained and now it’s bursting out

Like a silent shout it reverberates in shock waves

Affecting everything around me as the vibrations fly about

Obliterating the mental landscape

Destroying the plains

Uprooting forests and bringing the rain

Destruction

It cannot be contained

It is killing me

Like a cancer ingrained

Slowly eating me away